A: Prosim ?
B: Zdravo, imate tudi avtoodpad ?
A: Ja , mamo
B: Imam eno sephio ..
A: Kaj mate ?
B: Kio sephio
A: Ja….
B: In bi se ga rad rešil
A: Ja , kaki letnik te je ?
B: 94
A: Kolk ???
B: 94 letnik
A: 94…kaj pa kilometri na mašini ?
B: Tolče preko 215000
A: Uhhhh …. Ja, dajte ga sem, samo vam nič ne dam.
B: Nič ko nič ? Kaj pa kaki papir.
A: Nič papirja. Nič ne dam.
B: Papir za občino.
A: Ja, to ja , no. Sam dnara ne dam za to.
B: Mislim dokument za odjavo ?
A: Ja, to ja. Sam plačam nič.
B: Kristalno jasno, šefe!

Tip : Kia Sephia
Letnik : 1994
Km : 215000

Če je kdo avanturistično razpoložen . naj bo pozoren na sledeče

-Motor deluje. če ga vžgemo s kabli (akumulator )
-Obe strani avtomobila imata odtise skoraj vseh stebrov iz Europark parkirišča
-Armaturna plošča je zvita in zakriva 1/3 pogleda navzven
-Prtljažnik primeren za gojitev gob (je vlažen in temen. Atraktiven ribnik v prostoru za rezervno kolo. ampak samo po večjem neurju)
-Nobena vrata ne delujejo 100%. Ena se lahko odprejo samo iz zunanje strani ali obratno
-Vrata, ki se zapirajo samo iz zunanje strani (TM) lahko seveda poskusite zapreti tudi iz notranje , ampak rezultat bodo še vedno odprta vrata in celotna notranja obloga v rokah avanturista.
-Ročka menjalnika sedi na izpušni cevi ( dokler tudi ta ne bo prerjavela )
-Manjka polovica bunke prestavne ročice (Psu je bilo dolgčas)
-Gumijaste cevi motorja imajo na sebi ekvivalent Merkurjeve dnevne zaloge izolirnega traku
-Manjka okrasna letev zadnjih levih vrat . Voznica je menila, da od tod prihaja čuden ropotajoč zvok in jo je odtrgala (to ni uspelo niti bolj neugodnim stebrom parkirišča). V resnici je imela prazno gumo.
-Centralno zaklepanje deluje odvisno od reprodukcijskega stadija navadne travniške marjetice
-Osvetlitev števcev. Kakšna osvetlitev ?

Zamenjam za vinjeto

Marsupials versus Australian Air Force

The reuse of some object-oriented code has caused tactical headaches for Australia’s armed forces. As virtual reality simulators assume larger roles in helicopter combat training, programmers have gone to great lengths to increase the realism of their scenarios, including detailed landscapes and - in the case of the Northern Territory’s Operation Phoenix- herds of kangaroos (since disturbed animals might well give away a helicopter’s position).

The head of the Defense Science & Technology Organization’s Land Operations/Simulation division reportedly instructed developers to model the local marsupials’ movements and reactions to helicopters. Being efficient programmers, they just re-appropriated some code originally used to model infantry detachment reactions under the same stimuli, changed the mapped icon from a soldier to a kangaroo, and increased the figures’ speed of movement.

Eager to demonstrate their flying skills for some visiting American pilots, the hotshot Aussies “buzzed” the virtual kangaroos in low flight during a simulation. The kangaroos scattered, as predicted, and the visiting Americans nodded appreciatively… then did a double-take as the kangaroos reappeared from behind a hill and launched a barrage of Stinger missiles at the helpless helicopter blasting it our of the sky killing all aboard! (Simulated only!) (Apparently the programmers had forgotten to remove that part of the infantry coding containing the small arms and missiles.)

The lesson?
Objects are defined with certain attributes, and any new object defined in terms of an old one inherits all the attributes. The embarrassed programmers had learned to be careful when reusing object-oriented code, and the Yanks left with a newfound respect for Australian wildlife.

Simulator supervisors report that pilots from that point onward have strictly avoided kangaroos, just as they were meant to.

*Careless Code Recycling Causes Rukus: From June 15, 1999 Defense Science and Technology Organization Lecture Series, Melbourne, Australia, and staff reports

Personae Dramatis:

X – Neimenovana uporabnica
V – Programer z akutnim vnetjem žleze za prijazno delo z uporabniki
T – Komunikacijska naprava
P – Nečak bolj znanega strica

T: Dring dring
T: Dring dring
T: Dring dring
V: Ja ?
X: Tu se mi je pojavilo eno okence , na katerem piše : Napaka pri določanju D66. Pokličite programerje.
V: Tjmjkubžju! Spet je P. nekaj čaral. Sem mu lepo in nazorno povedal naj pusti D66 pri miru. In mail okoli pošlje naj kličejo njega! Klikni OK in ga pokliči.
X: Vredu.
V: Ok.
X: Čakaj. Nič ne morem naredit.
V: Kako nič ?
X: Nič se ne zgodi, če kliknem OK
V: Hmmmm
X: Ah, zdaj je zginilo.
V: Ok.
X: Zdaj je spet nazaj.
V: Klikni Ok.
X: Ne gre.
V: Katero naročilo vnašaš ?
X: Ga ne.
V: Huh ? Kaj počneš , da ti to napako prikazuje ?
X: Maile čitam.
V: Kaj ?
X: Maile čitam. Službene.
V: In dobiš napaka D66 okno ?
X: Ja, vedno ko odprem mail od P. In ne morem OK kliknit. Se nič ne zgodi.
V: X!!!!!!!!!! A ti po print screenu klikaš v mailu ??????? Po slikici ????????
X: Ah.
V: Zdaj bom mirno odložil in poskusil pozabit zadnjih 5 minut.
T: Ouch!

Avtor : DraigUK (EN Battlescar PvP)

A morning in the life of PvP server

A level 16 necro comes along and just stops dead in his tracks. Looks at me funny, in my mind anyway. “Uh oh this fecker is thinking he can kill me” I think to myself. So *poof* I hide. He just stands there for like 20 seconds then starts to kill the crocs I was working on. Well, he was for about 10 seconds then he got a nice taste of arrow for his trouble and back to whatever spawnpoint he chose.

Was he going to kill me? I think so, but don’t REALLY know for sure. Tough. Better him than me and besides he was killing my crocs.

I move along the beach a bit and just in time see a level 19 Guardian with a level 20 DT coming at me at a rate of knots. *Poof* I go hide and slink off. I have no doubt in my mind they were about to gank me, but ah well they were a bit too slow this time.

Keep your eyes peeled at all times

I now get to collecting wine bottles by a bunch of crocs killing the crocs and manage to get all my wine/whiskey bottles and the croc skins sorted at same time. A level 9 Conq is strolling along trying to beat up 2 level 12 crocs. I sit and watch him for a bit to see how he gets on. He kills one ok but looks like he is about to die to the 2nd one so I send an arrow into the croc to help him out a bit. Next thing I know this level 9 is beating on me. I go into melee mode and 2 shot him. Will keep an eye out for that cheeky sod.

I actually tried to help this guy and he comes after me. Twat. Still, looking back maybe he thought I was trying to kill him as well as his croc. Which might be fair enough some other day tbh. Still, not what I was trying to do, but I guess he will be one of the whining basts posting about higher levels killing lower levels later

I get to the picts where I want to farm my 50 (well about 40 left by now) it is quite a busy area this camp now servers been up for around 45 mins. Still I go about my business as best I can. After a while it starts to annoy me all these people killing my Picts so I decide to thin them out a bit. I start by killing a level 10 and a level 11. Then a level 15 Barb I think…might have been a Conq tho. Was a 2hander hammer soldier type anyway.. I tell the level 10 and 11 not to come back till I’m done. The level 11 says “fine” (smart guy)the level 10 threatens to rip me a new one and all sorts of creative stuff including things about my mother and so on. Joy.

If somone a few levels above you tells you to stay away, either stay away or go back and try and kick his ass. Your choice right?

Next thing I know that level 9 Conq from earlier (remember him?) is right in front of me. So he gets one in the ass and a trip back to spawnville. Mr “Rip you a new one” level 10 is back again and he gets a quick trip back as well. After sending me a rather creative description of my genitals in a donkey and threatening to send a “WHOLE F*CKING GUILD ON YOU C*CKSUCKER” which had me falling off my chair, I get going on the Picts again.

I kill some more picts then *BAM* a level 13 Assassin catches me cold just after a fight with a Pict and I am back at the spawnpoint. Jammy bast.=)

I head back over to Pictville and on the way see the level 10 and level 9 duking it out. Ha. Too good to be true. I kill them both and carry on my merry way. Hahaha.

I hang around at the picts but can’t see any sign of this Assassin, or anyone else for that matter, so after about 5 mins I start killing them again. This time though I am really on the lookout. I just finish killing a Pict and I see the 15 “Barb/Conq” heading for me with a great big hammer aiming at my head… obviously wants revenge! I drop my trap and he runs full into it! So I put a Salvo into him and drop to melee and we have at it. Off he goes to spawnville, but I am left with about 25% health. A level 21(!) demonologist is casually strolling past and decides I should join my Hammer wielding chum at a spawnpoint. I join him at the spawnpoint. As he spawned before me he is now full health, sees me appear and next thing I know I am dead again. Oh joy, here we go. I wait about 1 min and try again. Nope, hammer-twatface is there still, and loving his chance on revenge. I choose to wait over 4 mins to respawn and this time as soon as I do I hit Hide. He is gone anyway so I rest up and head out to finish my Picts.

A while later and I get my Picts done and head back over to the boat to go hand quests in town. Gobby level 10 is now level 11 and spawnkilling people near the boat. Then he joins the people spawning, with a nice little tell from me to say enjoy it from the other side. I stay about 10 mins just non stop killing him, and get a couple of others (more by accident really than trying too hard) while I am at it. One is the level 15 who spawncamped me earlier so balls to him. Muhaha. After 10 mins or so I’m bored with it and head back to town.

What goes around comes around. Those others who I got at spawn by sort of accident, ah well tough luck, deal with it.

I hand in some quests and hit 15 and go night time solo game to 17 and log off.

Now, the point of telling you guys this is to show you what a fun morning I had. I died some, I killed some, I got some quests done. I got spawncamped and I done some spawncamping as well. All my actions made sense to me, but I bet if your on the other end of it you would think I was just picking on people or griefing or what have you. Really, I don’t care. I had fun and played the game the way I wanted to this morning. Tomorrow or later I might not kill anyone, or I might get my ass handed to me everytime. Who knows? Just the way it goes. If you can’t deal with this sort of stuff goto a PvE server.

Stvar je sledeča : v soboto , 17.5, so se odprla vrata nove FunCom-ove masivne online igre - Age of Conan (AoC) . 150.000 izbrancev je lahko 6 dni pre uradnim odprtjem stopilo na tla Hyborie. In serverji so začuda zdržali. Verjetno se je FC kaj naučil od katastrofalnega starta njihove prve MMORPG - Anarchy Online ((In nabavili nov set hrčkov za pogon serverjev)) . Ta je trenutno v fazi posodobitve grafičnega srčka in poliranja, tako da je še ni za odpisat.

AoC je edinstven že zaradi ene same lastnosti. Pripopali so mu rating 18+ . To je eno stopnjo pod “Adults Only” porn oznako in mu je uspelo razburkat tako ameriške kot nemške vode kar dober čas pred štartom. Svet AoC oz. Howardova zamisel brutalnega ,primitivnega , magičnega in senzualnega sveta je verno prenešena v online svet. In tu so se začela lomit kopja distributerjev.

Američani niso imeli problemov z nasiljem. Obglavljenja, kri , alkohol in generalni razčesek pošastkov (humanoidnih bolj kot ne) jih ni motil. Ženski NPC (non player character - oseba , ki jo vodi AI računalnika) zgoraj brez pa je že katastrofa nacionalnih raszežnosti. Komisije (dvojnih) moralistov so vreščale , praskale in v glavnem dobivale božjastne napade. Zedinili so se, da je potrebno to gnusobo povzdignit na moralno primeren nivo in … retuširati bradavičke. No, in tukaj je ostanek igričarskega sveta in tisti, ki spremljajo neverjetne podvige Jacka Thompsona - padel s stola. Od smeha.

Nemci so imeli vsaj prioritete urejene. Iz nemške verzije AoC je v skladu z zakonodajo izvzetih nekaj bolj brutalnih combo potez. Pri 18+ ratingu se sicer ne zavzemam za kakršnokoli obliko cenzure, vendar jih vsaj malo razumem. Ne glede na stopnjo neumnosti, je zakon še vedno zakon . Zato so si vsi moji bivši Anarchy Online soigralci , ki živijo na področju Jugendschutz Gesetza nabavili kopijo igre iz UK. Tudi za to so zakoni , heh.

Prvi vtisi po par urah igranja … fantje so potrebovali kar pet let, da so AoC spackali skupaj , ampak je bilo vredno čakat. Seveda je še hroščata za umret, ampak to je nekaj, kar se je pričakovalo. Tole sem začel pisat med prvim setom popravkov, zaradi katerega so serverji down za dobri dve uri. Grafika je takšna , kot se spodobi za wanna-be DX10 igro. Trenutno je funkcionalna samo DX9 različica (? - ali samo meni) , ampak je že ta dovolj, da se vidi konkretni eye-candy nivo. In ja, moja 8800gt prebavi navit srednji nivo grafike. Po besedah razvijalnega teama je za visok nivo potrebna SLI oz. Crossfire konfiguracija PC-ja. In PsychX engine ni odveč

In serverji so up (upam) . Bye bye

Alfa , ki je bila odgovorna za vso to krčkanje je indiskriminantno zmetala na sredino vse kar je imelo vsaj rahlo povezavo z zelenjavo in začimbami. Na srečo sumljivo obstojni kosi paradižnika in zelenjave v besnem vretju izgubijo prvotno obliko, tako da vsaj vizualno nisem prestrašen pred količino pogojno zdravih dodatkov mesu. Zaradi moje mamo-ziher-kaj-doma organizacije se je vse skupaj zalivalo z vrhunskim buteljčnim rencem , letnik 2002. Pojma nimam, če je to bil dober letnik ali ne , ker mi uspe degustirat vina samo do drugega kozarca. Dalje gre v smeri preizkušene “klinc gleda - glavno, da teče” filozofije.

Po sistemu zalivanja omake z maligani “bolje preveč, kot premalo”, smo sicer bili krivi za od vinskih hlapov omamljene ptiče in perutnino tja preko Drave do Malečnika, ampak je rezultat machiavellijsko opravičil tudi te navidezne žrtve. Vsaj aktivisti Greenpeaca mi še niso viseli po ograji , če sem že moral prenašat pohlepne poglede pasje-azilskih sprehajalcev. Ne dam! Pri hrani se vse neha
Memo : za naslednjič nabavi več rekvizitov za težaško horizontalno udejstvovanje po končanem Jurišu Sestradancev.
Edit : Alfa je po svoji dobri navadi že poskrbela za ležalnike
In ja, dokler ne poskusim leva, je svinja kralj živali.

1. Pozabiš, da ga imaš v brezrokavniku in vse skupaj pokneš v pralni stroj. Na servisu jim je uspelo rešit samo še SIM kartico. Če bi videl obraz prodajalca, ko mu ženska z mrtvo resnim obrazom pove , da tudi oni nosijo del krivde ker je niso opozorili, da ga ne sme oprat v pralnem stroju … bi bilo to Priceless. Bojda (žal) ji ni uspelo ostat resni več kot 5 sekund … ampak ravno dovolj, da je tipu šinlo xy misli skozi glavo, ki jih ne sme glasno izgovoriti pred stranko.
2. WC No.1. Pošiljaš SMS-e ob dveh, treh zjutraj … iz sedečega položaja … in ti mobi pade iz rok v WC školjo. Blup Blup Blup … Alfa spi pretrdno, da bi jo zmotilo - jaz pa ne. Justice, heh.
3. WC No.2. V trenutku, ko potegneš vodo , ti pade mobi iz žepa v školjko. Blup Blup Blup … in gre na dolgo potovanje do morja …
4. Budilka na mobiju je najbolj efektivna, če mobi položiš izven neposrednega dosega rok, preden se zavališ v posteljo. Taista budilka se najhitreje ugasne tako, da skočiš iz postelje , slepo tresneš po tastaturi , ga pograbiš in (dremež - snooze) preventivno pokneš na nočno omarico - točno v kozarec z vodo. Blup Blup Blup …

H2O zarota ?

Foto : Fujitsu

… med oči pa te 98% vseeno tresne. Se grem zdaj s pepelom posipat.